Things I’ve Never Understood Besides the Appeal of Cargo Shorts Vol. I

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“Are you calling me a liar?”

… Yes?

This is the last refuge of the person who isn’t clever enough to cover up his lie. Usually said in response to an accusation of lying. Points if uttered incredulously while wearing 19th-century aristocratic garb, lips quivering, eyes bulging out of their sockets.

What is the definition of a liar? Someone who lies? Did you lie? Did I insinuate what you said was the opposite of the truth? Then, I suppose I am calling you a liar. Am I suggesting this is the foundation of your character? Maybe? Maybe not.

Regardless, this is not a logical counter-argument. In fact, maybe you are NOT a liar insofar as I might refer to an Olympian as a “swimmer” but not your six-year-old nephew in duck floaties.

To extend the metaphor, maybe someone never pushed you into the deep end of the pool. Maybe it’s time for some DEFCON deception training. Bootcamp starts bright and early. Your instructor is Robert Durst.

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